Friday, February 24, 2012

Here I am less than a week into my Facebook fasting. If I've learned anything so far, it's that most of the websites I go to are in some way or another connected to Facebook. Where I used to click "log in with Facebook" I now have to search my brain for the remnants of some obscure username and password. I've started a list. I don't really miss it yet, though I find myself wondering if anyone has announced a pregnancy or a new job or is in a girl-fight. I have enjoyed my extra time to read and surf other websites. So far, so good, though, I don't feel very hip being disconnected from a world that everyone seems to belong to.

Sorry I'm abandoning you, Zuk. You won't miss one of billions.

On a completely unrelated note, I called the doctor recently; per suggestion of a few people. I scheduled a physical (it's not happening until July) and told the nurse about my concerns. The stumbling, dropping, cold-hands and pain are probably all related to my other issues. She suggested also I may have Raynaud's Syndrome but will not know until she sees me. "Keep your hands warm, gloves etc." said the nurse. Great, I really want to sleep with gloves on! Ugh. We'll see. I'd do a follow-up with Findlay, my spine guy, but I doubt anything different would turn up, and I don't want to go through another MRI. I also have been getting the star treatment from Ethan. He's been rubbing my shoulders and not complaining. He tells me when to heat and when to ice. I have this stubborn spot right around my shoulder blade that's a quarter-sized knot. Hurts like a motherf*cker. My left arm/hand has also been going numb/tingly, which then causes me to drop things. FUN. The doctor's office said it's all part of things I've been diagnosed with before and that unless symptoms get worse or I get more uncomfortable, we can wait til my July appointment. At least for the most part my hip doesn't hurt. I'm way too young for all this.

This is what I feel like on the inside!
The weekend is almost here; Ethan and I went on a date last night to David's in Monument Square, I get to see Kellie and Jenny this weekend, we have double-date plans with Micah and Christina Saturday night and Sunday more wedding planning! Let's just hope I don't have too much pain to deal with this weekend...there's always vodka for that, right?


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Mild February

As I glance out the window today (it is open right now in fact and a nice breeze is coming in) and see the sunshine and mud, I realize that perhaps I should have titled my last post "Ice Sucks." We've basically had the absence of winter this season. I also just knocked on many wood surfaces, just in case. There are bits of snow here and there; brown-black dirty snow lines the streets making parallel parking difficult but not impossible. Tiny white patches linger in my driveway, on the lawn out back, in piles at the end of parking lots. I find myself thinking about last winter; trudging through the snow both on crutches and not,  hip aching from dragging my heavy-booted feet through ankle [or higher] deep snow. This is a completely different February. For a few weeks now, Roman's parents, who are not native Mainers have been wanting to go cross-country skiing. They schedule a time, plan for me to sit for Roman, and then the place is closed due to lack of snow. Two weekends ago Ethan and I took a walk at Higgin's Beach.

This is currently Maine in FEBRUARY

It's nice to walk around not trudging through snow, being able to wear high-heels (don't worry, I watch out for ice!) and the milder temperatures mean my joints ache less. Still, I can't help but a) worry about getting dumped on in March and April and b) what this means for the global temperatures/ice caps/polar bears. I am not a skier for many reasons, so I'm pretty much okay with the lack of it, but it does make me wonder sometimes.

Now that small-talk about the weather is out of the way, I want to talk about Lent, and my decision to give up Facebook. Lent is a time for sacrifice, reflection, and prayer. Two years ago, I gave up alcohol. Last year, sugar/sweets. This year, I choose Facebook. The reason is twofold: one, because I am addicted to it (I'm not ashamed to say so) and therefore I need a way to cut back and, two, to focus on other forms of more direct communication. I want to have more Skype sessions with friends around the country. I want to talk on the phone, and write personalized e-mails. I love writing and snail-mailing cards. It's very nice to get something in the mailbox that's not junk or bills. So much of our communication these days is indirect; saying "happy birthday" on someone's FB wall when 100 others do the same isn't as special and meaningful as receiving a phone call and/or a card. I want to put in more effort to connect with my friends on a more personal level, and my hope is that they will do the same.

Not as exciting as a letter in the mail
Likewise, I am enjoying blogging, and this medium will likely teach you more about me than any Facebook page. While I like to use Facebook to share things I am passionate about (Ethan, Ophelia, political & social issues) there are other ways to get the word out there. I'm finding myself so passionate and fired-up (and pretty damn pissed off) about what's happening to women's rights all over this country, and I'm looking to start actually doing something about it instead of just talking about it. Maybe giving up Facebook isn't very hip, and maybe it will be a lot harder than I am thinking it will be. Maybe no one will care. I don't know, but I do know that it's what makes sense for me right now.

I will probably spend some of the time I'll save away from Facebook outside with Ethan enjoying what's shaping up to be a very pleasant February.

Enjoying Maine in the...winter?

Monday, February 6, 2012

Winter sucks

Ice is my nemesis. I mean, it's most peoples' least favorite (except of course for hockey players) but I think it's literally out to get me. When one is as clumsy as I am, ice is like the worst imaginable scenario. Sunday morning I planned to visit Trinity Episcopal Church and had to park about a block away (dear Portland, I hate your lack of parking) so I had to walk a ways. I had very sensible shoes on and as I walked, a little nervous about the new environment, I noticed patches of ice around me. Except for one. The one I slipped on. On bricks. I looked like this guy (minus the coffee, thankfully):

Sorry dude. Can I buy you another?
I landed almost flat on my back.  I got up, brushed myself off, did a quick assessment to make sure my hip was still functional (it was sore, but not terribly so) and then looked around in a panic to make sure no one saw me. No one else was on the street and if passers-by in cars saw me, no one stopped. Phew! I hobbled the rest of the way to the church doors, literally praying that I didn't look as disheveled as I felt. If anyone noticed, they paid attention to their Christian values and said nothing.

Thankfully, my hip was unharmed. I landed mostly on my surgical side, so despite my sore ass this morning, I'm okay. My arm and neck also hurt. At this point I'm just thankful 1) I didn't crack my head open and 2) my hip was not injured. There's likely to be some bruising though. I'm like a peach.

Ethan tells me lately that I need to work on my situational awareness and my clumsiness. Much of Sunday after said slip and church service was a series of little missteps, toe-stubbings, and near-falls. I'm beginning to wonder if I've got Vertigo or some other neurological nonsense. How many times can a person trip/fall in a month before one should talk to the doctor? I noticed some of the ice that morning, but not all. I miss-stepped and stubbed my toe on the leg of the ottoman that's always in the same place in our living room. "Pay attention to your situational awareness" says Ethan. He's not wrong! One night I woke up from a dead sleep having to pee. I stumbled to the bathroom, flicked on the light and nearly screamed: his bathrobe was hanging on the back of the door, but I thought it was a person. A person. Hanging on our door. Crazy, right? But that's what I saw. In that moment I felt like this:
Turns out the man with the shovel wasn't so scary.
But right after, I shook my head in disgust at myself and vowed not to tell Ethan in the morning (I did tell him). How does one "work on" not being clumsy and seeing what's around? Are there obstacle courses for that or something? This girl walks into door jams and thinks there are bathrobe monsters in the bathroom at night. Is there any hope for me? Not to mention, sidewalks are covered with ice. If I spend my time scanning the sidewalk for ice, I might not see a pole in front of me, then I'd walk into it. Apparently, I can't win.

I'm beginning to wonder if Ethan's going to start springing situations on me or jumping up behind me in the dark (he did that once recently and nearly got punched). Maybe he will, and maybe it will help, but I'm not sure anything can be done about the suckage of winter. Time to hibernate!
Not coming out. Not no way. Not no how.
If I don't leave my bed, how can I fall down or be scared by bathrobe monsters? Problem solved.